Loss is painful. Grief is messy.  The process of grief is different for everyone and for every situation.  Through all the differences, one thing remains the same; it’s hard and it sucks.  At times we might find ourselves questioning how we can go on.  Even though life keeps going, we don’t want it to.  Our world changes when we lose someone close to us.  

The ugly truth is, there is no “getting over” the loss of someone we love.  At first, this might sound hopeless, but you can also see it as a relief.  We often expect ourselves or others to “get over it” or resume “normal life”, whatever that is.  Sometimes we avoid life for fear that feeling joy again is a sign that we have “moved on”.  This can lead to feeling trapped, feeling guilty, and feeling like something is wrong with us.  Let me assure you, there is nothing wrong with you.  Your life has changed and you can’t simply go back to the way it was before. When we recognize there is no way to “get over it” and no “moving on”, we embrace grief.   Our pain and sadness is proof of the love we have for our loved one, but so is our joy and happiness.  We can experience both joy and sadness in grief.   This perspective shift can help us find the strength to face this “new” life after loss. 

One way this can be done is by finding ways to carry your loved one with you in this new life.  Even though they are no longer with you, in the same way, they will live on in your heart and memories.  Some things people find comforting are:

• Writing letters to your loved one in a special journal just for them
• Wearing a piece of jewelry that reminds you of them
• Lighting a candle in their memory 
• Planting a garden dedicated to them
• Doing random acts of kindness in their honor

These are just a few ways you can carry them with you throughout your life.  Remember, grief is hard and there is no “right” way to do it.  Find what works for you and most importantly, be gentle with yourself.  

Photo by Rhand McCoy on Unsplash